You might be a racer
if....
- You know how to properly pronounce "Ligier".
- You walk proper lines through the grocery
store.
- You've ever had to explain the term "pucker
factor".
- You've been known to yell "It means 'check
your mirrors' dammit!" at your television.
- You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without
complaining.
- You bought a race car before buying a house.
- You bought a race car before buying furniture
for the new house.
- You buy new parts because you don't know where
you put the spares.
- You're looking for a tow vehicle and still
haven't bought furniture!
- You find that you need a new house because
you've outgrown your garage and the neighbors
are threatening violence if you park one more
vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
The requirements you give
your real estate agent are (in order of importance):
- 8 car climate controlled garage with an attached
shop.
- Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a
crew cab dully, a 28'enclosed trailer and a
34' 5th wheel.
- 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your
welder.
- A gease pit.
- Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
- Deaf neighbors.
- Across the street from a paint and body shop.
- Some sort of house with a working toilet on
the property somewhere or hookups for the motorhome.
- You measure all family acquisitions in terms
of the number of race tires that could have
been purchased.
- "You know well that Orthodontic work
is the equivalent of three sets of tires"
- You hear "overcooked it" and think
"off the track" instead of "Luby's".
- You sit in your race car in a dark garage
and make car noises and shift and practice your
heal and toe, while waiting for your motor to
get back from the machine shop.
- You look at the purchase of tools as a long
term investment.
- Your wife says, "If you buy another set
of tires, I'm getting a new mink."
- If you can lose five pounds in a July afternoon
while eating chili dogs.
- Your children are named after famous race
car drivers (and one or more of them were conceived
at a race track).
- Your garage holds more cars than your house
has bedrooms.
- You're tired of people asking how fast your
car is and expecting to hear the top speed in
MPH, not a lap time at some local track.
- You have an immaculate car which you drive
one day a week, and the vehicle that gets you
around the other 6 days is rusted, covered with
duct tape, and has a pair of Vise Grips holding
the clutch cable together. You promise
yourself you'll fix it right after this season,
or when you need your Vise Grips for something
else.
- You have enough spare parts to build another
car
- More than one racer supply house recognizes
your voice and greets you by name when you call
- You have car parts in your cubicle at work
- The guys at the local tire store laugh when
you come in
- Your grandmother is shocked to find you have
a pair of jammies that cost $400 and the seat
doesn't even drop down
- You think the last line of the Star Spangled
Banner is: "Racers, start your engines!"
- If you can't remember when you last worked
on weekdays and rested on weekends."
- You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus
and Racer Wholesale.
- Your Christmas list begins with a Webster
gearbox and Carrillo rods (and your 'significant
other' knows what these are).
- After your answer to "How was your weekend?"
the next question is always: "And you do
this for fun? Right?"
- You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
- You've ever repaired your lawn mower with
AN hardware.
- Your lawn mower has a fuel cell.
- A new racing catalog arrives in the mail and
you disappear to the bathroom for hours.
- Your reading material in your bathroom consists
of auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several
books written by famous drivers, every book
Caroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car
magazines, none of which have centerolds.
- People know you by your class letter, car
number, and car color.
- People know you by your "off"s.
"Oh, you are the one stuck in the mud at
Lime Rock last weekend!"
- Your first date involves asking her to crew
for you.
- Your criteria for selecting a significant
other include auto repair skills. Air tools
optional.
- Your friends don't recognize you without a
helmet and driver's suit.
- Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
- You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
- You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing
in a snapped breaker bar every other week or
so.
- You remember the dates and details of every
race you've ever been in, but can't remember
your phone number.
- Your family brings the couch into the garage
so they can spend some time with you.
- You know you might be a racer when crawling
around in the muck wrenching on your own car
is much more appealing than reclining on the
sofa, watching the pretty cars go around on
TV with a beer in your hand...
- (you might be a Corner Worker if...) you pick
up the phone and say, "Control this is...."
- You complain when cars in front of you on
highway off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing
your exit speed to drop.
- A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which
you query, "Synthetic or organic?"
and they reply, "Vegetable or corn."
- A neighbor asks to borrow some brushes, you
hand them brushes for a generator/alternator
and they give you a funny look.
- You tell a friend you need to clean up the
head this weekend and they think you mean the
toilet.
- You give out [your favorite racing catalog
here]'s number when a friend asks for the best
hardware store.
- You refer to the corner down the street from
your house as "Turn One."
- You look at the fire hydrant at that corner
and see an apex marker.
- You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to
work (or school).
- You always late apex the intersection and
try to pass few cars coming out.
- Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest
line through the turn (not neccessary going
fast).
- You always do a toe & heel down shift
while whoever might be your passenger gives
you a real funny look.
- You buy real cheap tires for your street car,
so you can save $$$ for the real (race) tires.
- You can't stand anyone telling others how
to drive. Of course, you are the best.
- You can't stand understeer.
- You always want to change something in your
street car to make it handle better.
- You will galdly pay up to $6 for a bottle
of engine oil.
- You hate long distance driving, but you will
gladly drive 800 miles to the race track.
- You memorized the menu at Denny's.
- You buy Gatorade by box.
- You think that traction control and ABS are
for those who can't drive.
- You've ever tried to convince your wife you
needed that flow bench to fix the air filter
on her station wagon.
- You save broken car parts as " momentos".
- Your last several freeway forays included
just brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps
perfectly....
- You've found your lawnmower runs pretty good
on 108 octane gas (but doesn't particularly
care for alcohol)
- When your friends who smoke come over you've
got these really unusual ash trays for them
to use (made by J&E and ROSS)
- You've got 3 immaculate race cars always race
ready, but your wife has to nag you for 2 months
before you fix the headlight in her car
your "daily driver" is continuously
being mistaken for an abandoned car as
you haven't taken the time to wash it in over
a year
- Your dogs all have track credentials.
- Your kid has an SCCA photo ID before she's
3 months old.
- You never cut grass on a weekend (for obvious
reasons).
- You don't want cable because Speedvision only
comes in with a satellite dish.
- You're the only one in town with 3 sets of
wheels & tires for your car: summer tires,
snow tires, and 'track tires'.
- You'd never let 'Mr. Goodwrench' change your
brake pads because 30 minutes is too slow (Especially
when the pit crew you're part of could do it
in less than 2, still hot, and fill the gas
tank, too.).
- Your criteria for selecting a tire store includes
not charging too much to mount all the mail
order tires you buy elsewhere and a promise
never to mount your wheels with an impact wrench.
- You fight with the kids over early Saturday
morning cartoons because that's when F1 qualifying
is on.
|